Raw-III: My Daily Reality with Mental Health
In my life, I carry the responsibilities of being a mother and a wife, yet beneath the surface, I struggle with deep-seated anxiety that affects every aspect of my being. I strive to maintain happiness, even as I battle my inner demons. This invisible demon weighs heavily on me, manifesting through fake smiles, nervous twitches, and a distant gaze. It’s a silent struggle that often goes unnoticed unless someone looks closely.
My soul is weary from the relentless battle with my inner demons. Therapy has offered some relief, but I struggle to find what to discuss while there. What more is there to say? My past has been explored, providing insight into why I feel this way, but understanding the root causes hasn’t offered a cure. It merely gives me tools to cope, which I am thankful for, but my struggle is constant.
The pain I experience is real and overwhelming. My anxiety happens unexpectedly, shifting my mood from laughter and enjoyment to feeling detached from my body. It strikes, leaving me with a sense of being outside myself as I observe my own existence from a distance. My voice sounds familiar, but my body feels weightless, like floating above the room, disconnected from the present moment.
My instinctual response is to retreat, to escape from the distressing state as quickly as possible. My heart races, my thoughts become muddled, and panic takes hold, exacerbating the physical symptoms that follow. My vision sharpens as if focusing with laser precision and every detail of my surroundings becomes magnified. My brain zaps internally and I want it all to stop. Stop right now. Please make it stop.
With every ounce of strength within me, I gradually calm myself and take deep, intentional breaths. I know deep down that this overwhelming state will pass, but only if I give myself a few precious moments. I remind myself that I have felt this way before, and it has eventually subsided each time. I refuse to succumb to the grip of the demon within. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe…..
